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Confounded July 28, 2010

Posted by rocketscientista in Venting.
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Have you ever found a topic or concept that just completely confounded, dumbfounded, perplexed you?  I’m pretty sure anything related to optics is trying to strangle me right now.  Every time I look at the damn ray trace on my screen, it’s as though I have no brain.  It shuts off.  I stare.  I can’t process anything or think or figure my way out of this box.  I JUST DON’T GET IT.  And I have to.  This crap is part of my research, man.  I can’t quite do ASTRONOMICAL instrumentation without optics, for chrissake.  But dammit- I can read detector papers and simulate images and do data analysis, but holycrap why can’t I figure out the focal length of a system of THREE MIRRORS?!?

Any motivation or ability has floated out my ears into the aether.  Maybe one of you can grab it and use it, because it doesn’t seem to be compatible with my hardware right now. Ptooey.

Good July 18, 2010

Posted by rocketscientista in Music.
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I woke up after a nice sleep to sexy science overload. I’ll leave all the white dude privilege analysis to others (as I’m already uncomfortable with my white privilege which I’ll talk about in my upcoming WIA2009 SUPER LATE recap). There’s a lot to think about in what’s been said, how people are responding to all of it, and how any of us female scientists feel. I’m especially looking forward to reading Sheril’s response tomorrow, too.

But for now, it’s an absolutely stunning Sunday. I’ve got some intense things to think about, but I’m sitting at home and enjoying the sun, looking forward to a week of science & changing the world :) Some work will be done today, for sure, but something about weekends and sunshine and summer just makes all of that ok.

[And while I'm at it, I'm working on tidying up the site, fixing the blogroll, and getting some organization up in here.  If you'd like to be added to the blogroll, just comment, or email me at rocketscientistablogs at the gmail.]

I’ve got my iced coffee in hand and I’m just gonna rock it out a bit, ’90s style, and then get back to the business at hand.

(This song totally reminds me of hanging out with some awesome kids at a science summer camp I went to back in the day.  I made some great friends, did some cool science, and felt pretty damn alive. Sweet.)

SeXy Science- You’re Doing It Wrong July 18, 2010

Posted by rocketscientista in Venting, Women in Science.
9 comments

So, over at Common Sense Atheism, there’s a new post up featuring “15 Sexy Scientists (with pics of course)”. He features an awesome science blogger, Sheril Kirshenbaum, who has a history of being called out for her attractiveness, instead of her science. She just posted with the history of the posts about her, her current summary, and she promises her response on Monday.

I chimed in on the whole shebang in the comments, but wanted to bring it here to state my thoughts more fully and maybe start some more discussion.

In the end, I think Luke@Common Sense Atheism is DOING IT WRONG. He featured only males. He featured some exceedingly questionable pictures (if I pose like that, I don’t actually want you to think of me as a scientist). He featured (in my mind) a few questionable scientists.

But I think it can be done right.

 

How?  Why?  What?  Aren’t I a hard science, grad student girl who wears jeans & tshirts most everyday?  Am I not the girl who refused to change her last name when she got married?  Didn’t I call my husband out that time he saw the woman in scrubs and assumed she was a nurse (not a doctor)?  YES.  So, let me break this down.

 

First, I think it’s very important to emphasize to the public and to children that scientists (or atheists) aren’t just frizz-haired, glasses-wearing, crazy dudes in labcoats.

The scientist has big square-shaped glasses and a big geeky nose with brown hair and blue eyes. I see a scientist working in a lab with a white lab coat . . . holding a beaker filled with solutions only he knows. Scientists are very interesting people who can figure out things we don't even know exist.

They’re also completely normal looking awesome women (and guys) just like you.

My picture of a scientist is completely different than what it used to be! The scientist I saw doesn¹t wear a lab coat. . . . The scientists used good vocabulary and spoke like they knew what they were talking about.

And it’s good for them to know that these people can be attractive, too.  Pretty girls aren’t excluded from science.  And scientists aren’t all super-hot, or super-lame, either.  See, it’s aggravating enough that there are few scientists on tv and in the movies.  It’s a bit frustrating (but still somewhat true) that a lot of those featured are men.  And what’s worse is that the few female scientists who are portrayed are either overly dork-ified, or ueber-sexified.  Really.  GAH.  I’m not a socially inept girl who doesn’t know how to wash herself or brush her hair.  I don’t wear my pants up to my bra.  That said, I don’t wear make-up most days, but I clean-up pretty nice, thankyou.  And I haven’t ever met one of these overly sexed up girls who wears only a bra & undies under her labcoat– that’s dangerous!  But I think it’d be wonderful to have the public image of a scientist not being a super-dork (super-dweeb? super-nerd? whatever).

 

But as someone in the trenches, in the lab, how reasonable is it to present myself as WOMAN?   Should I pretend like my colleagues and I stomp around in heels and skirts, bedecked?  Are those images of women (as in the original sexy scientists post) featured wearing less clothing than most, gazing over the edge of some cute glasses, with a microscope in hand— are those images ok?  Is that how we swing away from the geeked-out visual?  Isn’t that completely work inappropriate, much less science inappropriate?  Would they be taken seriously?  Should we just stick to the pants and leave these sexy lists for the bathingsuit models?

 

My women in STEM graduate group got together for dinner the other night and this topic sort of came up– what is appropriate to wear to give a talk, or attend a conference, or hell, wear to work?  Most of us agreed that we like to make it easy- jeans & shirts in the lab, and a nice pair of pants + a cute button down (or something similar) was the easiest for a conference/talk- they doen’t call attention to our femininity, and we feel taken more seriously.  But one of my colleagues was appalled.  She contended that stomping into the room to give a talk in a rad pair of heels conveyed confidence, conveyed a sense of ease with oneself, a deliberateness, and the noise made people look at you (as they should!).  You stand up there, commanding their attention, to tell them all about your work.  But I wonder if it’s the right kind of attention?

 

I simultaneously do not want to give into the idea that all scientists are male or overly nerdy females, yet I feel like I need to “dude-ify” myself to be taken seriously?  But if I walk in the room in a tall pair of heels and a skirt or dress, aren’t I slamming the audience over the fact that I AM A FEMALE before they get to see my science? I’ve heard too many stories of well dressed, obviously female scientists having comments thrown at them that weren’t welcome.  I get comments (though not overly negative ones) sometimes when I show up to school in a dress.  That’s why I wear my dresses and skirts and cute shirts mostly on weekends.  Would I be dumb to ignore all of that and just strive to simultaneously represent WOMANHOOD and SCIENCE?

 

And while we’re at it, aren’t I kind of being a hypocrite if I say it’s totally unfair to be like, “ZOMG, pretty girls, science” and also strive myself to put out there that I am a girl, with some sass, who’s a scientist?  Aren’t we the ladies of the science blogging world calling attention to our femininity already, by calling ourselves scientistas, or babes,  chicks,  femme, goddesses or anything of that ilk?

 

Dammit, I want to live in a world where my femininity (or lack thereof, sometimes) does not undermine me as a scientist. I want it to be totally normal to rock the heels, or to be in jeans and tees and grody from a day fixing pumps and working in the cleanroom.  I want to be a woman and a scientist, simultaneously, without one part of my identity changing the other.

So, that’s why I think, in principle, a sexy scientist list is totally ok.  I think it should include males *and* females.  I think it should include those who would generally be judged as attractive, yes.  I think it should leave off all those ridiculously scantily clad folks.  Scantily clad in lab = NO.  Dressed cutely and smartly and professionally= YES.  (Well, unless of course it were poking fun at the idea).   I think there should be focus on those people as scientists.  I think the list maker should get the permission of any people included on said list, too. Permission, permission, permission. Do those mags that put out their hottest lists just cull from pictures on the internet??

 

I think the world should know that there are some really hott people doing out there who are fabulous scientists, too.

Taking It Personally July 16, 2010

Posted by rocketscientista in Academia, Venting.
2 comments

One of the things I’ve been struggling with lately is deciding when I should/shouldn’t take something personally.  Most things in my life fall easily into one category or the other.  It’s those damn borderline cases that have me in my head lately.  Examples:

 

*I feel like I’ve been being left out of a few things in lab, and I don’t know why.  There might be some seemingly reasonable motivation to it, which is what I want to believe, and they’re not super important things I’m being left out of (not directly related to my project), but it seems somewhat methodical that I’m the one left out.  And I feel like the only time I’ve been brought in, recently, is because they were looking for my office mate and he wasn’t around.  I’m not the one they ask first.  Is this my fault?  Is it because I’m a girl and can’t lift things?  Is it because I’m supposed to be doing other work?  Is it because they don’t trust me to do something well?

 

*One of my co-Is has been not-super responsive, and I recently sent him a document for review (most of it not having to do with his part of the project) mostly to keep him in the loop and to double-check a phone number.  Instead of responding to my initial email, he emails all of us to say he wants to meet.  I flipped out.  What did I do wrong?  I had tried to keep him up to speed and ask for his input, and instead of giving it to me, he feels the need to jump in with everyone all of a sudden?  Why does he care now?  The meeting never happened, but I feel left out of the loop and like no one is communicating with me about any issues.  It’s freaking me out.

 

*No one wants to send me anything.  I’ve been hunting down companies since day one on this project.  Though I have funding and clear questions, it seems like no one will sell me ANYTHING.  I HAVE MONEY!  I can’t get quotes, or once there’s a PO in, no one wants to respond to my emails.  Am I somehow lacking on my end?  How the hell do I make this go faster?

 

In the end, all of this makes me feel a little inadequate, whether it should or not.  I get very self-conscious and I take it as a personal hit.  I have no real way of knowing the motivation for any of this treatment.  So how do I stop taking it all so personally?  Or how do I know if I should take it personally and change something that I’m doing?  My god, I need feedback.  I need to know what’s up.  I need to stop living in my head, full of frustration. What can I do to stop making myself feel so bad? How do I not take it personally?

 

I’m not the Great Communicator that I used to be, apparently.

 

Good Things July 6, 2010

Posted by rocketscientista in Miscellaneous.
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With a productive day has come good things.  I started out the day rather anxious about getting the two main tasks of the day done– I leave tomorrow for a research meeting and these NEEDED to be done two days ago.  But I sat myself in the library and pushed through.  They’re out to review which means I can breathe a sigh of relief– all I have is a dinner meeting and packing for tonight.

I also got some good word that I’ve gotten a travel grant for the Citizen Sky workshop in September out in San Francisco.  I am super excited to combine both my loves, education & astronomy in one fabulous workshop.  I’m totally new to the citizen science scene, so I’m looking forward to finding out how they do it all.  And then, I’ll get to share it all with you!

So while there’s still a ton on my plate (and piling up faster than ever), one nice productive day has helped me focus.  A little bit of accomplishment, and an email of good news– this is how I keep going.

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